Thursday, December 13, 2007

Talking about the Adoption Experience

It's practically the middle of December and I'm still reeling from the onslaught of articles about adoption published to coincide with November is National Adoption Month.

And you know what?

There was a whole lot of talking going on about the adoption experience and, once again, it was the adoptive parents doing most of the talking. Sure, there were some notable and carefully chosen exceptions, but overall, the adoptive parents hogged the show.

And you know what else?

Only those of us who are adopted know what it's really like. Sure, AP's can talk about what it's like to build a family through adoption. But not the actual adoption experience.

Only we are qualified to talk about the adoption experience. All of us adoptees. Domestic and international product. Closed Era and Open. Transracial. The formerly fostered and now adopted. Oh sure, adoptive parents can talk longer and louder, but in the end, they aren't adopted. We are.

What if....

What if...

adoptees got to do all the talking? Just for once. Maybe National Adoptee Month. Maybe that's what it would take. Just so we could talk without somebody handing the microphone to an adoptive parent to explain it all. Just so we could finally have some dignity and be treated like bonified grown-ups.

18 Comments:

Blogger Possum said...

Oh Nina - I can but only dream.
You have my vote for National Adopteeeeee Month.
How refreshing it would be to have the adoptee overwhelmingly heard - instead of all the AP's.
We lived it.
*sigh*
Poss. xxxxx

6:39 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Well, my dearest Possum from Down Under...Not only did we live it, we survived! While some adoptees weren't dealt such a raw deal as some of us got, there's still the Mother Issue of 'Em All: abandonment. It absolutely drove me bonkers to hear some AP's get all indiginant and say there was no such thing as the Primal Wound. HAH!

7:27 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

I'm with you Nina! The term "grateful" would be banned from National Adoptee month too.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Mary! Oooo...how I've come to loathe that word! Funny. Grateful rhymes with hateful. Just think. We could be free to express ambivalence and sadness and...wait for it...anger!...without some goofball saying, "Aren't you glad you weren't aborted?" As if THAT had anything to do with being adopted!

3:07 PM  
Anonymous 2BTrue said...

I think the thing that I am coming to love about other adoptees no matter what their life experiences, is they are unafraid and compassionate - they do not distinguish that one adoptee's experience is "more valid" than anothers. We all feel the same things, and just because you can't readily 'see' it, doesnt mean the pain isnt there. Adoptees VALIDATE each other, and thats as basic a need for adoptees as it is for any human.

I have yet to read Primal Wound. Frankly, the book terrifies me. I dont know why.

I know what to be grateful for. Its like free will or respect - its not gratitude anymore when it has to be demanded.

2:07 AM  
Blogger Nina said...

"Adoptees VALIDATE each other, and thats as basic a need for adoptees as it is for any human.

I have yet to read Primal Wound. Frankly, the book terrifies me. I dont know why."

You are absolutely right. We need validation. CRAVE it because so many non-adopted are uncomfortable and feel the need to dismiss our experience/feelings, to correct us, put us in our places, remind us of what we SHOULD feel. Which is so bizarre. At least we adoptees can do this for each other.

As for your fear of the Primal Wound. I mean, just the title sounds scary...like a big, black hole you might fall into. But just so you know, it's actually validating and comforting. Maybe you're feeling vulnerable and suspect it will just add to it?

5:29 PM  
Blogger joy said...

grateful rhymes with hateful, ha hahahahahahahahahahha


good.

11:59 AM  
Blogger Nina said...

Joy, it's especially funny because if we're not acting grateful, we're thought of as hateful!

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

moles warts removal -
money siphon system -
muscle gaining secrets -
my airfare secrets -
my miracle loans -
my out of control teen -
natural cancer treatments -
ovarian cyst cures -
pc optimizer pro -
piano for all -
prevent sweating -
privacy control -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
pvp bible -
quick article pro -
quit smoking today -
reg defense -
reg genie -
registry easy -
registry genius -
registry smart -
registry winner -
registry winner download -
reg tool -
relationship headquarters -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket japanese -
rotator cuff training -
satellite tv pc master -
secrets book -
spy no more -
spyware cease -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the guru assassin -
the power pause -
tmj help -
tonsil stones remedies -
turbulence training -
two minute profits -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
web traffic machines -
wedding speech 4u -
wind plans -
xp repair pro -
your fun business -
zygor guides -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
acne no more -
advanced defrag -
anti spyware bot -
art of approaching -
banish tinnitus -
beat eczema -
blood pressure normalized -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
cpa arbitrage -
creative date ideas -
debt free in three -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

digital background -
dirty talking guide -
discus fish secrets -
duplicate file cleaner -
dw insider -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -
easy tv soft -
easy web video -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
end your tinnitus -
error doctor -
evidence smart -
fap winner -
fat burning furnace -
fat loss 4 idiots -
final sync -
final uninstaller -
firewall gold -
fitness model program -
fit over 40 -
fit yummy yummy -
flatten your abs -
forex auto pilot -
gain opinion -
gold secrets -
government records -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
green diy energy -
healthy urban kitchen -
highest pay surveys -
holo think -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
i want a teaching job -
joyful tomato -
keyword elite -
learn photoshop videos -
lmt forex formula -
lower body make over -
macro virus -
malware bot -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
meet your sweet -
microcap millionaires -
moles warts removal -
money siphon system -
muscle gaining secrets -
my list strategy -
my phone riches -
natural cancer treatments -
online tv pc -
panic away -
pdf creator -
peel away ads -
pips leader -
ppc web spy -
prevent sweating -
privacy control -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
questions for couples -
quick article pro -
quick paid surveys -
quit smoking today -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

reg defense -
registry winner -
reg tool -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket german -
rotator cuff training -
rss feeds submit -
satellite pc box -
save the marriage -
spy no more -
spyware stop -
super seduction power -
surefire trading challenge -
tattoo me now -
the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the dog food conspiracy -
the mini site formula -
tmj help -
tonsil stones remedies -
truth about abs -
twitter trick -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
wedding speech 4u -
win clear -
xbox 360 red light fix -
xp repair pro -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
advanced defrag -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

alpha male system -
amazing cover letters -
anti spyware -
anti spyware bot -
article rewriter -
art of approaching -
auto cash system -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
bv cures -
calling men -
camera dollars -
carb rotation diet -
cash making power sites -
cb mall -
combat the fat -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
credit secrets bible -
destroy hemorrhoids -
dirty talking guide -
dotcom income secrets -
duplicate file cleaner -
dvd copy pro -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -
easy launcher -
easy system cleaner -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
eczema free forever -
end your tinnitus -
error nuker -
fatburningfurnace -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fat burning furnace -
fat loss 4 idiots -
final sync -
firewall gold -
fitness model program -
fit over 40 -
fit yummy yummy -
flattenyourabs -
flatten your abs -
forex candlesticks made easy -
forex killer -
forex megadroid -
get rid of your cellulite -
g money pro -
google shadow -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
gov resources -
health biz in a box -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
hybrid water power -
i software tv -
joyful tomato -
keyword spy pro -
kingdom of pets -
macro virus -
malware bot -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
meet your sweet -
microcap millionaires -
moles warts removal -
mole wart removal -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

muscle gaining secrets -
natural cure for yeast infection -
paid surveys etc -
panic away -
pdf creator -
public records pro -
quick article pro -
quick income blueprint -
quit smoking today -
ranking loophole -
reg clean -
reg defense -
regi cleanse -
registry easy -
registry genius -
registry winner -
reg sweep -
reg tool -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rig worker -
rocket chinese -
rocket french -
rocket german -
rotator cuff training -
rss feeds submit -
save the marriage -
site builder elite -
six figure yearly 2009 -
sleep tracks -
sold in 21 days -
spyware stop -
stop being tired -
stop your hair loss -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
tonsil stones remedies -
top secret magic code -
truth about abs -
turbulence training -
turn your photos into cash -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
wedding speech 4u -
win clear -
xbox 360 red light fix -
xp repair pro -
1st promotion -
3 redlight fix -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
advanced defrag -
anti spyware -
anti spyware bot -
art of approaching -
banish rosacea -
blog lock down -
brad yates -
building a chicken coop -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
carb rotation diet -
combat the fat -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
copy n profit -

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

credit secrets bible -
cure angular cheilitis -
cure morning sickness -
dirty talking guide -
domain tweak system -
dotcom income secrets -
duplicate file cleaner -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -
easy launcher -
easy system cleaner -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
eczema free forever -
email finder -
energy 2 green -
error nuker -
evidence smart -
fat burning furnace -
fat loss 4 idiots -
final sync -
fitness model program -
fit yummy yummy -
flattenyourabs -
forex enterprise -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
home job stop -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
how do i get him back -
hyper vre -
keyword spy pro -
kingdom of pets -

6:17 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home