Revenge is Mine

This is a cautionary tale. Don't piss off an adopted relative. You may need their help one of these days.

My adoption was practically a state secret. An older cousin told me he and the rest of the teenagers in the family were ORDERED never to discuss my adoption with outsiders (and to deny it if asked), amongst themselves and never, ever with me.

Hah!

They must have discussed it because somehow, the second cousins knew. They were just a little younger than me so I mostly hung out with them.

Well, several years ago, one of these second cousins asked for a hefty loan. At the time, we were on pretty good terms. But the first thing that popped into my head was a fight we had when we were young teens. She settled it by screaming, "And you don't even belong to this family! You're adopted. That's why you're so weird."

She may have called me a freak. I can't remember.

Still, I gave her the money. Like $700. Told her it was an early Xmas gift. We never discussed it again. Not that we talked much since then.

So a few weeks ago I get an email marked "URGENT! REPLY IMMEDIATELY!!!" in the subject line from the same cousin. Pleading for another hefty loan. It also included an apology for not being nicer to me, etc.

And I got to wondering. Did she mean the time she called me a weirdo or a freak or whatever? Or for not doing a better job keeping in contact with the un-family member who helped her out in her time of need?

I turned her down. Nicely, of course. With regrets and all that.

But the thing is, I don't really regret it.

Not all that long ago, when I was still in people pleasing mode, I might have said "yes" and resented the hell out of her. Or I would have felt guilty for saying no. Or I would have been uncertain and called my husband a hundred times asking for advice on how to handle this delicate situation.

This time, I took a trip down memory lane and, for the first time, noticed just how barren that lane actually was.

And you know what?

I spent a lot of time crafting a kind reply, without ever once referring to the original sum given without any expectation of repayment. And guess what? Nada. No acknowledgement of any sort. I'm family when she needs something. I'm un-family when I serve no purpose.

And you know what else?

I don't care. I mean, I'm slightly miffed, but I'm not hurting. I'm not devastated. Now that's progress.