Friday, September 07, 2007

The Mexican Adoptee

Not looking for sympathy.

Just for proof of another Mexican-American adoptee.

Not a "half-breed." With a white mother and a Mexican father.

But the child of a Mexican mother with one of those big, extended Mexican families that, but rarely, give their children away because of close knit family ties, etc.

I have an adoptive cousin who is Mexican. He doesn't know who is mother is, but apparently he didn't leave the family. A childless couple in the clan raised him. So that doesn't count.

It really drives me crazy when somebody points out that Latino's don't give away their kids. I'm not arguing with this "rule." I believe it. Because, it appears, I'm the exception. My mother gave me away despite family pressure to keep me. She was Mexican. According to cultural tradition, she should have kept me. I'll give her this. She was a rebel.

It drives me nuts because it FEELS like I'm only the Mexican adoptee of early 1960's vintage. Which only adds to feeling like the damaged product of a really bad experiment, otherwise known as the Closed Era.

PLUS!...

The double whammy of knowing that the social worker must have sized up my mother: poor, minimally educated and, of course, Mexican. Never mind she was a Mexican of European descent with fair skin. A Mexican, she must have thought, was a Mexican. What difference could there be?

So much to my mother's HORROR (as revealed in reunion), I was placed with DARK Mexicans of Indian ancestry. Raised just as poor as my mother, complete with major family dysfunction, and who had achieved one slim rung higher on the socioeconomic scale. While the difference in skin color was disorienting (me being the only "light" one in my adoptive home), the difference in temperament and - what the hell? - intellect was profound. My adoptive parents were hard working and street smart, but without one bit of intellectual curiosity. They never read a single book and preferred television. They mocked anything smacking of culture, calling museums boring and going to college "a waste of time." They did not wonder about how other people live. I, on the other hand, wanted a life beyond the closed family system. I wanted to live in the world. As did my mother. THIS is what she'd WANTED for me when I was born. To live, as she dreamed, in the "white" world.

Hah! She had no idea that the practice of the time was "matching" and that I was not destined for "better," but the same. A lateral move. Because my a-father was and is a narcissist, I argue, worse off.

But time is funny.

Without me to tie her down, my mother was free to move UP and UP she did...the old fashioned way: a financially successful marriage. Never mind that the man turned out to be, well, a pervert. She traveled around the world. Read non-fiction. Is able to talk about all sorts of things, places and ideas.

I have a picture of myself at 12 in 1972 and my mother in the same year, after achieving her "dream" of upward mobility.

God, I hate looking at that picture. We look so much alike. But I'm not with her. She is posed, still very youthful, with her two grandchildren. I'm sitting in the middle of two people of no relation, a human sacrifice to the hopes and dreams of three people.

Some days, this being the lone exception to the "fact" that Mexicans don't give away their babies for adoption, is a real downer.

20 Comments:

Blogger Mark said...

Hi Nina...

Yes, I'm one of those hispanic babies placed for adoption too... in 1955. Cuban father... no the family didn't come to my rescue... Japanese mom. So I'm very Hapa...

And my mom got to start her own business! Yes, she did quite well, she says. And my father talked about me to his colleagues: "I have a son somewhere in the world I've never seen."

O boy. Not bitter here.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Nina said...

Hey Mark, Thanks for stopping by. Wow, another adoptee from the Closed Era. There's not all that many of us "older types" online..so it's cool to find another one. And a Hispanic one, to boot..although I'm still waiting for one with a Mexican mother. So your mom got to start her own business, huh? And your father talked about you. Did you meet them face to face? Did you write about that on your blog. Look forward to learning more about your backstory.

7:01 PM  
Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

I doubt I would have known you were from mexican decent by just looking at you or perhaps, even listening to you Nina. Your first and last name gives it away though. You are right that hispanic folks rarely give up their children. I don't know of too many that have. I still would wonder if your mom was honest with herself, she doesn't think she made a mistake in giving you up at times. It would be only human to do that it seems to me.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Gershom said...

hey girl! hapa here too, my mom is hawaiian chinese( from her dad) spanish indian( from her mom) and my dad is white and native american indian.

My mom was raised in a hawaiian cultured family, my grandpa is 3/4 hawaiian and "usually" so "they" ( who ever the heck they is ) say, hawaiians keep their children in the family if separation from mother is a must....guess i'm the "exception" too.

bitterness here.

6:18 PM  
Blogger elizabeth said...

{{{{Nina}}}

I'm not Mexican, but I do understand wanting to find someone else in your situation. There aren't many people like me who were abandoned by their married parents.

10:50 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Elizabeth,

Ya know....I feel like I know your "backstory,"...but most our fathers are shadowy figures in the background so it's easy to forget that you had the double whammy of being relinquished by BOTH parents. HUGS!!!

7:52 AM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

Nina, I too am one of those closed era adoptions that doesn't fit anywhere in the statistics. My parents were in their forties and married. There was no coercion (to the contrary, many tried to talk my mother OUT of relinquishing).

So, even within the adoption community, I'm often viewed as some anomaly. And then there's the irony of being adopted by parents who ended up divorced and thus growing up very poor in a single parent household with no father ever in sight.

So, I just wanted to say "I get it."

8:07 AM  
Blogger Nina said...

Rhonda,

Well, I DID find another Mexican adoptee yesterday, but she was raised by white folk and loved the Chosen Baby Story and is grateful is is apparently an advocate of adoption...which I am not..unless it can't be avoided and it is in the best interests of the CHILD.

Anyway, I'm very happy to meet another ANOMALY like yourself. Argh! Hey, freaks forever! Freaks RULE!

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anthony Munoz said...

hey Im of mexican descent and adopted at the age of 2 in 1990 im 19 years old now. My biological parents were both defenitely mexican cuz of my dark complexion.But my adoptee mom is white and dad half mexican half italian but i dunno much spanish cuz i was never taught by my dad and took spainsh classes in middle and high school. I dunno much about my biological parents but I do know that I have a brother and two sisters.

1:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fit over 40 -
fit yummy yummy -
flatten your abs -
forex auto pilot -
gain opinion -
gold secrets -
government records -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
green diy energy -
healthy urban kitchen -
highest pay surveys -
holo think -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
i want a teaching job -
joyful tomato -
keyword elite -
learn photoshop videos -
lmt forex formula -
lower body make over -
macro virus -
malware bot -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
meet your sweet -
microcap millionaires -
moles warts removal -
money siphon system -
muscle gaining secrets -
my list strategy -
my phone riches -
natural cancer treatments -
online tv pc -

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

panic away -
pdf creator -
peel away ads -
pips leader -
ppc web spy -
prevent sweating -
privacy control -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
questions for couples -
quick article pro -
quick paid surveys -
quit smoking today -
reg defense -
registry winner -
reg tool -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket german -
rotator cuff training -
rss feeds submit -
satellite pc box -
save the marriage -
spy no more -
spyware stop -
super seduction power -
surefire trading challenge -
tattoo me now -
the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the dog food conspiracy -
the mini site formula -
tmj help -

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tonsil stones remedies -
truth about abs -
twitter trick -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
wedding speech 4u -
win clear -
xbox 360 red light fix -
xp repair pro -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
advanced defrag -
alpha male system -
amazing cover letters -
anti spyware -
anti spyware bot -
article rewriter -
art of approaching -
auto cash system -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
bv cures -
calling men -
camera dollars -
carb rotation diet -
cash making power sites -
cb mall -
combat the fat -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
credit secrets bible -
destroy hemorrhoids -
dirty talking guide -

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dotcom income secrets -
duplicate file cleaner -
dvd copy pro -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -
easy launcher -
easy system cleaner -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
eczema free forever -
end your tinnitus -
error nuker -
fatburningfurnace -
fat burning furnace -
fat loss 4 idiots -
final sync -
firewall gold -
fitness model program -
fit over 40 -
fit yummy yummy -
flattenyourabs -
flatten your abs -
forex candlesticks made easy -
forex killer -
forex megadroid -
get rid of your cellulite -
g money pro -
google shadow -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
gov resources -
health biz in a box -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hybrid water power -
i software tv -
joyful tomato -
keyword spy pro -
kingdom of pets -
macro virus -
malware bot -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
meet your sweet -
microcap millionaires -
moles warts removal -
mole wart removal -
muscle gaining secrets -
natural cure for yeast infection -
paid surveys etc -
panic away -
pdf creator -
public records pro -
quick article pro -
quick income blueprint -
quit smoking today -
ranking loophole -
reg clean -
reg defense -
regi cleanse -
registry easy -
registry genius -
registry winner -
reg sweep -
reg tool -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rig worker -

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

rocket chinese -
rocket french -
rocket german -
rotator cuff training -
rss feeds submit -
save the marriage -
site builder elite -
six figure yearly 2009 -
sleep tracks -
sold in 21 days -
spyware stop -
stop being tired -
stop your hair loss -
the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
tonsil stones remedies -
top secret magic code -
truth about abs -
turbulence training -
turn your photos into cash -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
wedding speech 4u -
win clear -
xbox 360 red light fix -
xp repair pro -
1st promotion -
3 redlight fix -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
advanced defrag -
anti spyware -

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

final sync -
fitness model program -
fit yummy yummy -
flattenyourabs -
forex enterprise -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
home job stop -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
how do i get him back -
hyper vre -
keyword spy pro -
kingdom of pets -
mafia war secrets -
malware bot -
master cleanse secrets -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
maximum paid surveys -
meet your sweet -
mobile tv pro -
musclegainingsecrets -
muscle gaining secrets -
my dish biz -
one minute cure -
paid surveys online -
panic away -
pc tv 4 me -
pdf creator -
perfect optimizer -
pick the gender of your baby -
plr wholesaler -
private niche empire -

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

project quick cash -
public records pro -
pull your ex back -
quick article pro -
quit smoking today -
reality creation secrets -
reg clean -
regi cleanse -
registry easy -
registry fix -
registry winner -
reg sweep -
reg tool -
reverse mobile -
reverse phone detective -
richard mackenzie direct -
rich garbage man -
rocket chinese -
rocket french -
seize cars -
shop until you drop -
six figure yearly 2009 -
sleep tracks -
spyware nuker -
spyware stop -
sunshine 4u -
the bad breath report -
the cash1234 system -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the free car -
the lazy marketer -
tonsil stones remedies -
truth about abs -

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

truth about diets -
turbulence training -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
violin master pro -
warp speed fat loss -
wedding speech 4u -
xp repair pro -
yeast infection no more -
2ip hosting -
10 minute forex wealth builder -
30 minute back links -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
advanced defrag -
affiliate jackpot -
anti spyware -
art of approaching -
battery reconditioning -
blogging to the bank -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
carb rotation diet -
carp evolution -
cb bonus domination -
combat the fat -
content website builder -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
cure angular cheilitis -
cure morning sickness -
dirty talking guide -
driver robot -
earth4energy -

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

earth 4 energy -
easy launcher -
easy system cleaner -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
error smart -
evidence eraser -
evidence smart -
fatburningfurnace -
fat loss 4 idiots -
fitness model program -
fit yummy yummy -
flattenyourabs -
flatten your abs -
forex trading machine -
forex trading made ez -
get your exgirlfriend back -
google snatch -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
grow taller 4 idiots -
guy gets girl -
hcg recipes -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
how to break 80 -
hyper vre -
instant domain cash -
i software tv -
jamo rama acoustic -
linden method -
lose the back pain -
magni work -
maternityacupressure -

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

maternity acupressure -
musclegainingsecrets -
muscle gaining secrets -
negative calorie diet -
one minute cure -
one week marketing -
only 4 gamers -
paid surveys online -
panic away -
pc on point -
pc tv 4 me -
perfect optimizer -
phone number scan -
pick the gender of your bady -
power 4 home -
profit lance -
public records pro -
quantum mind power -
quit smoking today -
recipe secrets -
reg clean -
regi cleanse -
registry easy -
registry winner -
reg sweep -
reverse mobile -
reverse phone detective -
revolutioniz -
richard markenzie direct -
sale hoo -
simple php -
smtp 2 go -
spyware nuker -
surveys 4 checks -

11:25 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home