Monday, August 20, 2007

The Adoption Cage: An Adoption Poem

Elizabeth is one of the first adoptees I encountered online. Her link is http://www.ihateadoption.com/. As I wobbled toward comprehension in those early days, after a lifetime of repressed feelings toward my own adoption, I was shocked by her clarity. She understood how she felt and she used just right words to express it.

She wasn't "surrendered" or "relinquished" or "given away." She was "abandoned."

She's "angry."

She hates the Adoption Machine and makes no excuses.

I respect that.

At least she's dealing with it. She's not burying it. This is the way she feels. It makes her real. Authentic. She's not cut off from herself.

Elizabeth is in very good company. There are many other remarkable brave souls out there in BlogLand, where we have found each other. Where we've discovered we're not freaks and we're not alone. The importance of their voices, to those of us who are still trying to find our true image in the distorted mirror of adoption, is profound.

Clarity about adoption and what it does and does not do for you is critical. While we had nothing to do with it, played no active role, but are forever left to deal with its consequences, clarity is our only tool. Our only hope. Without it, we are trying to navigate in a thick fog. And for the sake of clarity, by clarity I mean whatever is YOUR honest experience of adoption. Forget everything you've ever heard and were TOLD or EXPECTED to feel.

If you are one of those adoptees who haven't reflected on what it means to given away by your mother - for whatever reason - and what it means to be raised by strangers, then please, do that.

And then write your own poem about it and let me know when you do so I can link or post to it.

Elizabeth has given me permission to post her poem here. I love it. Like I "lurv" her for her honesty.

Dedicated to a really ungrateful bastard

Some of us scrape the crumbs off the floor
And some of us look for an open door
Some of us cry long into the night
And some of us fight for what is our right
Some of us are lost
And some of us are found
Some of us ache
And pick our hearts up off the ground
Some of us are denied
And some of us rage
But we won’t be silenced
In the adoption cage.

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14 Comments:

Anonymous mia said...

I find it really challenging to sort through what is a REAL feeling and what is programmed response. I never quite trust my thoughts fully.
Discovering truth among all of the rubbish is such a challenging thing to do. I go back and read what my "truth" was when I started blogging and it is vastly different than what I see truth as today. Thank goodness for blogging friends. I think we help each other see truth more clearly.

I love E's poem too.

5:38 AM  
Blogger Nina said...

You're right, Mia. Absolutely. The "truth" shifts over time. But as long as keep asking ourselves, "how do I REALLY feel," we move beyond those programmed responses that have cut us off from ourselves.

2:05 PM  
Blogger elizabeth said...

Thank you Nina. Thanks so much. You are awesome.

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Blogger adam said...

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3:59 PM  
Blogger Trish said...

In the lost and found world we live in, please be prepared for what you ask for or seek out. All my life I can remember wishing to meet my birth mother, and then it happened. I was nervous yet happy that I could finally see and meet her. Now, a year later, she tells me that unless I meet up to her standards and always speak or reflect a positive or happy tone of voice around her, not to call her, not to bring her down. Geez, she finds me only to throw me out again. Yes, I have cried...too many tears...I do not want to say goodbye...so I will be so kind as to send her happy birthday and merry christmas cards and keep my distance or risk the heart ache of being the victim once again.

11:26 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Wow, Trish...SHE found YOU and then tells you how to behave? It sounds like a truly awful experience and I'm sorry. Very sad. Tragic, really. I found my birth mother, too, and now keep my distance for other reasons...mostly out of self-protection because she blurts things out that make me feel obliterated. Still, at least my feet are firmly planted on the ground. No more wondering. I was born to a real person just like everyone else. And while she's a bit of a disappointment, finding her was the best thing I ever did. But I get you about not wanting to be a victim. Boy do I get it and totally support anything you have to do to achieve that!

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