Welcome 2007!
I'm beginning to think we adoptees (especially those of us from the Shameful Closed Era) are pretty incredible.
Separated from our birthmother for whatever reason, sometimes placed in interim foster care, then, through that strange combination of forces both pseudo-scientific and whimsical, we find ourselves being raised by strangers who often differ in looks and temperament. It's a wonder we're not all raving lunatics. Okay, some of us may be, but most of us carry on, loaded down with extra baggage and manage to lead productive lives. (Yeah, yeah, yeah. You over there, the idiot with the big fat opinion who thinks we adoptees should just shut up and be grateful, you try being adopted and see how you like it.)
I mean, really. We're amazing!
We adoptees only get better when we take control our lives. Our information. Our heritage. The whole enchilada. Even knowing all the awful, ugly stuff about my birthfamily (and some nice stuff, too) is empowering. Disappointing, but grounding.
For those of us who had the bad luck of landing LOUSY adoptive parents (self-centered, narcissistic, histrionic/depressive, etc.), it's also equally important to come to terms with them and say, hey, I'm disappointed. I'm mad. After all, these people were CHOSEN for me and while it's arguable that even troubled couples deserve a kid, when you're that kid, it sucks.
Reflecting and identifying pattens in one's family is difficult, yet freeing. If you can articulate that you have a narcissistic father with endless needs and a mother who only knew conditional love and could be as punitive as hell, what good does that do? A lot. Instead of running around like a chicken trying to please when there is no pleasing, instead of living an emotionally exhausting chaotic life, life can lived in the moment, in a way that is calmer and much, much more beautiful.
So here's to 2007...the first year in which I will live fully aware of my unique status as an adoptee. And it's already better than 2006!
Separated from our birthmother for whatever reason, sometimes placed in interim foster care, then, through that strange combination of forces both pseudo-scientific and whimsical, we find ourselves being raised by strangers who often differ in looks and temperament. It's a wonder we're not all raving lunatics. Okay, some of us may be, but most of us carry on, loaded down with extra baggage and manage to lead productive lives. (Yeah, yeah, yeah. You over there, the idiot with the big fat opinion who thinks we adoptees should just shut up and be grateful, you try being adopted and see how you like it.)
I mean, really. We're amazing!
We adoptees only get better when we take control our lives. Our information. Our heritage. The whole enchilada. Even knowing all the awful, ugly stuff about my birthfamily (and some nice stuff, too) is empowering. Disappointing, but grounding.
For those of us who had the bad luck of landing LOUSY adoptive parents (self-centered, narcissistic, histrionic/depressive, etc.), it's also equally important to come to terms with them and say, hey, I'm disappointed. I'm mad. After all, these people were CHOSEN for me and while it's arguable that even troubled couples deserve a kid, when you're that kid, it sucks.
Reflecting and identifying pattens in one's family is difficult, yet freeing. If you can articulate that you have a narcissistic father with endless needs and a mother who only knew conditional love and could be as punitive as hell, what good does that do? A lot. Instead of running around like a chicken trying to please when there is no pleasing, instead of living an emotionally exhausting chaotic life, life can lived in the moment, in a way that is calmer and much, much more beautiful.
So here's to 2007...the first year in which I will live fully aware of my unique status as an adoptee. And it's already better than 2006!
Labels: adoptive parents; birthfamily reunion; narcissistic parents; importance of adoption search
posted by Nina at
6:54 PM
3 Comments:
Hear hear!
And 2007 is the first year (since "reunion") in which I will live without my NPD mother and my lousy spineless father. Definitely more calm. I feel like I'm beginning a new chapter of my life, and it feels good.
Great post you amazing adoptee you!
Way to go Nina! I am glad you are able to feel comfortable expressing your true emotions - not surpressing the real ones and only allowing yourself to feel what is expected. You have definitely come "into your own"!!!
Yeah US.
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