Birthmother Reunion Takes a Dark Turn
The other shoe has dropped.
Seven months after searching and finding my birthmother.
I have just learned that she knew and did nothing to stop the sexual abuse of a child under her care by her husband. That she was in denial then. That she is in denial now. That at no time did she acknowledge this abuse nor seek help for this child. That this child is now a woman in great pain. That this woman feels betrayed by her family. That my adoption, which was a surprise to most family members, has resurrected feelings of anger and abandonment in this relative.
Never could I have imagined this at the other end of my search. While I can't say I'm thrilled with the outcome of my search, it is still the beginning - although a much darker one than originally envisioned - and this is the real story that has unfolded...minus me as a player.
What feelings do I now have for my birthmother, this woman who relinquished me without coercision and, just a few years later, allowed a child to be repeatedly molested without any intervention?
Seven months after searching and finding my birthmother.
I have just learned that she knew and did nothing to stop the sexual abuse of a child under her care by her husband. That she was in denial then. That she is in denial now. That at no time did she acknowledge this abuse nor seek help for this child. That this child is now a woman in great pain. That this woman feels betrayed by her family. That my adoption, which was a surprise to most family members, has resurrected feelings of anger and abandonment in this relative.
Never could I have imagined this at the other end of my search. While I can't say I'm thrilled with the outcome of my search, it is still the beginning - although a much darker one than originally envisioned - and this is the real story that has unfolded...minus me as a player.
What feelings do I now have for my birthmother, this woman who relinquished me without coercision and, just a few years later, allowed a child to be repeatedly molested without any intervention?
Labels: Birthmother reunion
posted by Nina at
9:06 PM
4 Comments:
Dear Nina,
Dear, dear Nina --
Take care. I can only imagine what you're dealing with -- and stop to think of all the goodness you embody.
The various ways we carry on our lives is astonishing. Your courage to search and bring your own life to light is bringing others lives into light also. A dark time of year, of life.
Good grief this is awful. So horrible. I don't know what else to say. So sorry you found this in your search.
Nina...what you may find out is that your mother is also a victim of sexual abuse in her own past. I would not be surprised. It is sad whenever this happened. Another girl robbed of her childhood and more. Your mother has built up some pretty tall walls to protect herself...so tall she cannot protect anyone. I am sure there is more to this story and I am sure you will find it out.
I am so sorry. Take care of yourself.
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