Saturday, December 23, 2006

Birthmother Reunion Takes a Dark Turn

The other shoe has dropped.

Seven months after searching and finding my birthmother.

I have just learned that she knew and did nothing to stop the sexual abuse of a child under her care by her husband. That she was in denial then. That she is in denial now. That at no time did she acknowledge this abuse nor seek help for this child. That this child is now a woman in great pain. That this woman feels betrayed by her family. That my adoption, which was a surprise to most family members, has resurrected feelings of anger and abandonment in this relative.

Never could I have imagined this at the other end of my search. While I can't say I'm thrilled with the outcome of my search, it is still the beginning - although a much darker one than originally envisioned - and this is the real story that has unfolded...minus me as a player.


What feelings do I now have for my birthmother, this woman who relinquished me without coercision and, just a few years later, allowed a child to be repeatedly molested without any intervention?

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5 Comments:

Blogger Being Me said...

Dear Nina,
Dear, dear Nina --

Take care. I can only imagine what you're dealing with -- and stop to think of all the goodness you embody.

The various ways we carry on our lives is astonishing. Your courage to search and bring your own life to light is bringing others lives into light also. A dark time of year, of life.

12:05 AM  
Blogger elizabeth said...

Good grief this is awful. So horrible. I don't know what else to say. So sorry you found this in your search.

12:25 AM  
Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

Nina...what you may find out is that your mother is also a victim of sexual abuse in her own past. I would not be surprised. It is sad whenever this happened. Another girl robbed of her childhood and more. Your mother has built up some pretty tall walls to protect herself...so tall she cannot protect anyone. I am sure there is more to this story and I am sure you will find it out.

5:53 AM  
Blogger In Reunion said...

I want to say that it is no reflection on you. Not sure if you feel that at all but many of my adoptee friends who found bad natural parents often feel ashamed, embarassed that someone the parents actions are a reflecton of them. They arent.

I also have a sister who was molested by my fathers best friend. My sister told my father and my mother and they both denied it. Told my sister it was her fault (she was 13). I have no words to explain why people do this. I can only assume the horror is too great and denial is easier (even if terribly wrong).

I am sorry to you and this child in question.

5:53 AM  
Blogger cloudscome said...

I am so sorry. Take care of yourself.

10:57 AM  

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