Losing Myself Around Others
It happened just last weekend with a relative of the in-law variety. One of those strong women who have even stronger likes and dislikes. German cars are the best. Organic is the way to go. Discount shopping is for slobs and poor people. Most workers (dry cleaners, handymen, gardeners) are incompetent. Which, of course, is nonsense. But instead of my position and self solidifying in the face of such an inflexible world view, I’m pulled into her energy field where I swirl around. Lost. I allow myself to be pommeled by the onslaught of the uber personality.
Except this time, I am aware that it’s happening. It takes 48 hours to "get back to myself." I finally grow tired of listening to her go on and on. With great effort, I sternly remind myself of my values. I like cars that are solid and a good value. Organic isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. I love discount shopping and hate paying full price. And, dear relative, I’d be more impressed if you took me to a great bookstore instead of dragging me to Escada. By the time we say good-bye, I have regained my edges, my boundaries, myself. I don’t like this feeling. This losing myself around certain people.
It isn’t the first time it’s happened. It’s something I’ve experienced throughout my life. It’s not the other person’s fault. They are who they are. But my reaction is strange. Off. Being "subsumed" is exhausting. Uncomfortable. I have finally outgrown this "issue." Where does it come from? I vow to figure it out.