My So-Called Adopted Self
One thing about finally coming to grips with being adopted and what that means and how it's impacted my life amazes me: the continuous discoveries.
It's like digging in a really deep archaeological site.
The finds just keep coming.
Some of them are little bits and pieces that are covered with crud, so you gotta brush 'em off and tag them and later, examine them together.
Occasionally, you make a really significant discovery, just when you thought you'd found everything there was to find.
Which happened last week.
Don't have time to write about it now, but will. This one totally took me by surprise. I would NEVER have linked it to adoption, but it sooooo makes sense. And not only that, I found some other adoptees experience it, too.
To borrow the title to Betty Jean Lifton's took, the Journey of the Adopted Self...once you begin that journey, it's surprising what you'll find.
It's like digging in a really deep archaeological site.
The finds just keep coming.
Some of them are little bits and pieces that are covered with crud, so you gotta brush 'em off and tag them and later, examine them together.
Occasionally, you make a really significant discovery, just when you thought you'd found everything there was to find.
Which happened last week.
Don't have time to write about it now, but will. This one totally took me by surprise. I would NEVER have linked it to adoption, but it sooooo makes sense. And not only that, I found some other adoptees experience it, too.
To borrow the title to Betty Jean Lifton's took, the Journey of the Adopted Self...once you begin that journey, it's surprising what you'll find.
posted by Nina at
9:30 AM
6 Comments:
Ack! You're leaving us in suspense!
I find that not just adoption but other things about my childhood are like this too. Not so much these days, maybe, but it took years of adult life and separation from my afamily to fully realize the extent of the damage. Sometimes out of nowhere, it seemed, a memory would come back to me, or something I had remembered many times without emotion would suddenly cause me great pain. I guess it's just all too much to process at once.
"Sometimes out of nowhere, it seemed, a memory would come back to me, or something I had remembered many times without emotion would suddenly cause me great pain. I guess it's just all too much to process at once"
Celera, That really hit home. Exactly. But if we remembered it many times without emotion, were we trying to figure it out? Did we suspect deeper, repressed feelings?
i've come to a perspective where it's not about changing who i am,
it's becoming who i truly am.healing and self discovery tho very painful at times is so worth it
Yes, its about becoming true to who we really are. Its tough having to go through so much old stuff and pain to try to get there, it tires me out sometimes. By the way Nina, I read your stuff about you and your a-father with interest. I know how draining it can be, just trying to work out what to do for the best -I'm one of those who has totally cut off from my aging narcissistic a-parent and enabler - the guilt still occasionally washes over me, but I know I did what I had to do to save myself. And gradually I am letting go of the guilt too! thanks for all you write.
Annie
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