Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Cumulative Adoption Trauma

For your viewing pleasure...or discomfort, please check out this commercial about Cumulative Adoption Trauma.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf42T1sbP8U

It pretty much nails the experience.

One of the reasons I'm not posting so much is I'm working on a semi-autobiographical novel about the dark side of adoption. I just finished a draft chapter about the day when one of the main characters finds out she's adopted and questions her adoptive mom. That chapter pretty much wiped me out. It brought it all back. The day when I finally got up the nerve to ask about my first mom and my a-mom fell apart. We fell apart. Like two pieces to a badly designed puzzle. Nothing and nobody could ever make us fit. Not after that. Not after I betrayed her with my questions. Not after she proved herself untrustworthy.

Let me know what you think of the video.

14 Comments:

Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

Hi Nina ~

I watched the commerical. Cute but doubt a pill will ever fill in the gap left by adoption. Far to simplistic and also unrealistic. The commerical itself could be almost retraumatizing it seems.

Love to read your book when you get it done. Sounds like lots of blood, sweat and tears going into it as you relive the whole thing over again.

10:02 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Leroy, I think the pill was meant as a joke...b/c pills are offered for just about everything these days. Writing is just plain damn hard work, but the hardest part is trying to understand what it must have been like for my a-mom...for women like who here...who didn't like to think of us as adopted, didn't have the tools to deal with it...and were told by social workers that there WAS no difference with disastrous consequences!

4:31 PM  
Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

It seems you are right, particularly about the generation just now passing on. They somehow think a pill will cure anything. I detest the drug advertisements. The way they make it sound, I am surprised the human race made it this far without a pill.

Yeah, I hear you about those damn social workers - lol. I like to believe that the profession as improved significantly but it has a long ways to go yet. I have found there is no perfect science but there is better and worse. I still don't think social workers are doing a very good job matching kids with prospective adoptive parnents, especially kids with "special needs" not that all kids don't have special needs. I have seem so many kids with severe emotional disturbances and developmental delays placed with people who have as great or greater needs and then we wonder why the adoption fails. Perhaps most adoptions could be viewed as failures - preventable in many cases.

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