SOCIALLY ENGINEERED

It was something Elizabeth said. About not thinking of her a-arents as her parents. Not because they didn't try or that she's angry at them. She's not. Just because it didn't work out.

And the lights went off.

Just because my first mother decided to give me away, just because some social worker picked out one set of strangers over another, just because the couple who would eventually "get me" wanted a baby when one was available, doesn't mean that I'm stuck with the burden of thinking of these people as my parents.

If they'd ACTED like parents, now that would be something else.

My a-parents were totally incapable of unconditional love. They NEEDED a baby. They wanted a girl to grow up and keep them company and take care of them when they got old. They were self-centered.

I am not obliged to LOVE them.

They aren't my parents.

I am a product of social engineering. Too bad it didn't work out better. But what can you expect? Without blood ties, without empathy or understanding or real love, is it any surprise? Any relationship that depends on NEEDS instead of LOVE is doomed to fail.

Some lady I can't remember waved her wand over the paperwork, but that doesn't mean I have to continue following orders 40-some years later.

Thank you, Elizabeth.

Thinking about things THIS way helps to emotionally distance myself from my narcissistic adoptive dad.