Don't Try THIS at Home!

Faults are thick
where love is thin

Don't ask me who first said this. Saw it on one of those church billboards.

Then, I was struck by Joy's most recent comment. Yesterday, I was unglued because I found out my NAD (narcissistic a-dad) was bad mouthing me to his psychologist. Joy mentioned "traumatic attachment disorder" as discussed by fellow adoptee Julie Rist (I love those two). So I looked it up. That, plus reread some articles on adoption and attachment (or is reattachment more appropriate?).

Anyway, there's a WHOLE lot written on getting babies to attach to their adoptive parents and there's much written about kids who didn't/couldn't attach and the horror show that follows.

What does it look like when that child who failed to attach is all grown up?

Read my blog, folks. I think she looks like ME.

Yes, I have all the usual adoptee related issues PLUS. Like I couldn't trust them. Ever. Because all they ever did was lie to me. And when they weren't lying, they were controlling or withholding.

The only thing that bound us together as a family was, first, brainwashing followed by loads of guilt.

Anyway, if you're an adoptive parent with a young child or a prospective adoptive parent, do NOT try this at home or you're gonna end up with someone like me: A-failed-to-attach-adult-daughter-or-son:

--Do not tell her she is chosen or picked or special

--Do not call her mother bad names

--Do not withhold information about her first family or forget important details about them

--Do not cry or have a temper tantrum if she asks about her first family

--Do not pretend to third parties she is your biological child

--Do not call her ungrateful if she acts like a typical teenager who wants a little independence

--Do not use terms like "rescue" because that's about YOU...not her

--Do not make adoption about YOU

--Do not minimize her losses and discourage her from discussing adoption on her terms

Well, I can go on and on, couldn't I?

But I won't.

My fingers are cramping up.