Tuesday, March 20, 2007

A New Awareness

Had to take a bit of time off because I was getting bogged down with all these adoption issues.

Have spent the last ten months or so dealing with all this STUFF....after four decades wandering around in a daze, chanting, "Adoption is no big deal. Adoption is wonderful. I am so grateful."

Bullet pointed Epiphany during mini-mental-break:

--Healing takes an ENORMOUS amount of psychic energy. Even physical energy;

--Waking up from adoption brainwashing leaves one drained, as if recovering from a chronic illness that lasted entire decades;

--On the other hand, REPRESSING the impact that adoption has on one's life also takes enormous energy; it's like spending an eternity with your shoulder shoved against the closet door and you've been warned by society that evil lurks inside

--Productivity after meeting one's mother is SHOT because, no matter how fabu the experience at first, it's gonna hit you and take you down, until you pick yourself up and begin putting together the pieces

--Meeting your first mother, when possible, no matter how terrified you are....goes a long way to making you feel like a real person with a history and not a two-dimensional character with a backstory made up by people playing God.

And speaking of THOSE righteous people playing God with the lives of adoptees, separating us from knowing our mothers and our "particulars" and denying our basic human rights....how dare you? I know almost all there is to know and guess what? I'm still standing. I am not and never have been a piece of nameless property.

25 Comments:

Blogger Joy said...

Applause applause applause,

YES NINA

5:03 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

I'm glad you took the time you needed. It seems to come in waves for me. This post is so honest and right on. Thanks for sharing it. Hugs, Rebecca

5:36 PM  
Blogger Possum said...

OH YEAH.
Every word - - THE TRUTH.
I'm thinking I'm in need of a mini emotional break - where can I book in for one of those??
Hugs, Poss. xx

8:08 PM  
Blogger Ungrateful Little Bastard said...

With the exception of the reunion bullets, I can so realate to each one. Not only the emotional toll every aspect of adoption leaves, but the physical toll as well.

I'm going to keep that productivity bullet in mind if I ever get to meet my mother. If a reunion happens, I'll be sure to schedule a few days off afterwards. I'm dead serious. I've often contemplated that, and it's good for me to see in writing someone else expressing what I thought might happen.

12:14 AM  
Blogger Nina said...

Thank you, Joy!

Rebecca...I think "waves" is one of the ways that make it possible to handle all this "stuff" that some people in society don't think is a big deal, but we know different.

Possum, Maybe we can start a virtual "agency" where we can book in and relax! If you are in need of one, maybe just unplug, put aside any adoption books and tell yourself not to think about it...although it DOES percolate in the unconscious and it's surprising what happens there! Take care and drink a nice cup of tea (or a lovely glass of wine?)

Ungrateful LB...Someone posted on a forum about reactions after meeting mothers. Some people fell apart on the drive/flight home and spent the next several days a fetal position. Others, like me, were so excited to have just SURVIVED the experience and felt mostly good...then BAM!...out of the blue...on the fourth day or so woke up feeling weepy and blue and THEN came the WEARINESS and the fetal position (also known as naps). Sheesh. I do hope you get to meet your mother.

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Sharon said...

Nina,
As a 45 year old adoptee finally.. FINALLY.. waking up after all these years, I can relate to EVERYTHING you are saying. I met my b'mom 15 years ago but it took until now to actually FEEL the losses and the utter sadness of my reality. My hope is to tear down the house completely and rebuild it one brick at a time. If it takes me the rest of my life I will be whole again someday.

1:49 PM  
Blogger elizabeth said...

Great post Nina.

I'm cheering you on here.

We are still standing because we are true survivors.

How many other people can say they lost their entire family and had their identity stolen, and lived to tell the tale?

5:05 PM  
Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

I am glad you are standing Nina! You have a lot of "grit". One thing will always be certain, you will "never have been a piece of nameless property." Nor will you ever be "propery"!!! You are a person with intrinsic value and rights.

I am glad you are back. Sometimes it takes stepping back from everything to get a new perspective and, perhaps, a healthier way of seeing things.

9:00 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

EXTREMELY well said, and SO right on the money. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:15 AM  
Blogger Nina said...

Sharon, Welcome to the REAL world! Glad you told me your age because sometimes it seems so many adoptees got it way earlier and I wonder...what took me so darned long...until 45, too!!! Better than never.

4:15 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Elizabeth, I'm with you...we ARE survivors. The AGGRAVATING thing is the huge disconnect between our experience and how society views that experience and expects us to behave and feel.

Thank you, Julie!

Leroy, Yeah...stepping away is good sometimes! And you may need to do that for yourself from time to time, too...because you mentioned someplace else sometimes feeling overwhelmed. I think this may be more problematic for someone who is especially empathetic like yourself. The screams and moans of us adoptees are amplified in cyberspace and can blow your "empathy speakers."

8:12 AM  
Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

Nina...very true and you had me chuckling a bit. Most of my stress comes from my job, however. This is a place I come to listen and then offer whatever anyone believes has value. I do need to pace myself because some of this blogging can be addictive. It goes on and on...but I do find adoptees to be very open with their feelings and that alone, I would think, would have more people listening. Let's hope so! Thanks so much for your concern Nina...you are a dear!

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You appear to be incredibly ungrateful and unwilling/unable yourself to simply "get over it". As if being adopted has the only claim to stake in the "maladjusted" category. As if you would have been better off where? With your biological mother who can't even tell you who your father is? In an orphanage? In the streets? Exactly where do you think you would have been better off?

Perhaps a bit of understanding to the adoptive parents who, simply wanting you to be their "real" i.e., biological daughter, made the mistake of projecting too much that desire through wanting you to look like them.

You need to get over yourself honey. Take stock of your life. It doesn't appear to have been a bad one. A father prattling to you is better than one who didn't give a damn. And a mother who wanted you so much that perhaps she made mistakes is pretty darned good.

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