A Plethora of Narcissistic Parents

Or is it more of a glut? An excess?

I have no way of really knowing if the world is afflicted with a superabundance of self-absorbed leeches, also known as the narcissistic parent.

But when I check Blogpatrol to see what people are typing into their search engines on their way to finding my obscure site in the massive Blogosphere, hands down, it's "dealing with a narcissistic parent" or some variation.

Sheesh. Ten out of the last ten searches had to do with narcissistic parents.

If you're stuck with one of those and you found me here....I'm sorry for your loss. Because it IS a loss. You lost out on a parent. You lost out on receiving the best gift ever...an empathetic mother or father. And if you're adopted, like me, you lost out on being parented....twice.

It's not fun parenting your parent. And if you haven't cut them out of your life by the time you hit middle age, when that parent is old and needs help, you're so sick and tired of this role (and them) that you can hardly find strength enough to do it one more day. Other people smile cheerfully and talk about how much they love their aging mom or dad and want to help them. But it's hard to love a narcissistic because they've never loved you. Not really. They've needed you. Which is different.

From what I've heard and read, narcissism can be mild, moderate or severe. It can take the form of wanting admiration. In the case of my adoptive father, he can only talk about himself. This is not an exaggeration. If I manage to say five words in a row it's a miracle. I'm not saying this as a play for sympathy or to make myself sound like a victim. It's merely descriptive. If he asks me how I am, he does not wait for a response. Once, I told him I was having to go in for scary medical tests and he said, "Uh, uh...did I tell you what my doctor said to me yesterday about my cough?"

Having a parent who's a narcissist makes you feel invisible.

Having one in your life is to live in a permanent state of toxicity.

The only way to effectively deal with a parent like this is to emotionally detach. (Book recommendation: Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown)

Even when you finally emotionally detach, there will be times when you regress. When you can't help but feel angry and disappointed that you got stuck propping up the psyche of somebody who should have been looking after your welfare...helping you to mature. And if you're adopted, you may feel especially bitter and angry because, certainly, it wasn't in the best interest of the child to be burdened with a child-like parent.

Some adoptive parents have "returned" (or tried to return) their children saying full disclosure was not made and they were not prepared to take on such a troubled kid.

Do adoptees have that same recourse?