Wednesday, October 11, 2006

A Week in Glasses

Goofed reordering contacts so forced to wear glasses for the last week. My husband says I look kinda sexy in them, which goes to show you what a great guy he is because, even though the frames are made in Italy they are, after all, nerdy black plastic rectangles.

But here's the thing. I'm getting to like wearing my dorky glasses.

They have almost magical, transformative powers.

As we adoptees know, many of us have a wobbly sense of self. But suddenly, I feel more real. More present. More me. A firmer sense of self.

This morning, as I dragged my nervous 80 pound black lab past the mummies, skelatons and witches that seemed to pop up overnight in neighborhood gardens, it occurred to me that wearing glasses was a bit like wearing a Halloween mask. In my glasses, I am the woman who likes to read and write and who spent the summer of her 22nd year happily digging dinosaurs in the badlands of Southern Alberta. I am slightly nerdy, which my daughters are happy to point out, even if I do wear stylish clothes. Sometimes, I even snort when I laugh.

The glasses just seem to reinforce that image...which isn't a bad one. It means I'm smart (or at least like to think I am) and that I have certain values and those glasses seem to make that announcement. It doesn't matter if my adoptive parents never willingly picked up a book in their lives and don't know the difference between "there" and "their." I do. In my glasses, I'm more confident in greeting my unfriendly blond neighbor. In fact, so confident I didn't bother to say hello...which is something she rarely does and when she manages it does so grudgingly. This neighbor has a way of making me feel bad but not in my glasses. In fact, social interactions seem easier. I am me in my glasses. I am distinct from the other person.

Slightly worrisome is the idea that the glasses may be some kind of crutch...providing a false sense of self. But maybe, in this case, it's like wearing a yellow post-it with reminders of who I am. Maybe more of us adoptees need something like magic glasses...something a little extra in which to face the world...a little body armor to make up for what we seem to lack. Maybe wearing nerdy glasses isn't such a bad thing after all.

2 Comments:

Blogger momseekingpeace said...

I love your writing.
Its funny I use a different name for the phone when I dont feel like talking to telemarkters, its my firm strong persona.
I like the glasses thing, I might have to get me a pair.
MSP

8:52 PM  
Blogger momseekingpeace said...

I love your writing.
Its funny I use a different name for the phone when I dont feel like talking to telemarkters, its my firm strong persona.
I like the glasses thing, I might have to get me a pair.
MSP

8:52 PM  

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